


The Life of Lee Felix

by hoonhao_love



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Established Relationship, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)-centric, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23985346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoonhao_love/pseuds/hoonhao_love
Summary: In the binomial equation of Felix + Seungmin, a third variable Jisung gets added. Seungmin is happy to have him - of course he is happy, he was the one to add him! - but Felix thinks their polynomial equation is not correctly balanced.Cue, enter Yang Jeongin, a whole mathematics textbook with no answers at the end.Would working on the polynomial equation i.e his relationship, be easier than finding a solution to the problem that i.e Yang Jeongin?
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Kim Seungmin/Lee Felix, Kim Seungmin/Lee Felix, Lee Felix/Yang Jeongin | I.N
Comments: 4
Kudos: 33





	The Life of Lee Felix

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, hello, welcome to my first ever Jeonglix/Seunglix book.
> 
> The Life of Lee Felix is a struggle of Felix, who's as insecure as confident, who is also not one for poly. But his boyfriend is and now he doesn't know what to do.
> 
> So I hope you enjoy this!┌|o^▽^o|┘♪
> 
> _Binomial* — an equation with two variable.  
>  Polynomial*— an equation with more than two variables._
> 
> D I S C L A I M E R S:  
> 1\. this book doesn't derive inspiration from any other book or movie. If there's a book or a movie with concept similar out there, then it's a pure coincidence.
> 
> 2\. The characters mentioned in the book do not belong to me. (Idk why I even put this disclaimer anymore. Obviously they don't belong to me, have you seen them?)
> 
> 3\. The personalities and mannerisms the character would be portraying do not depict their real life personas. These are made up just to suit my story.
> 
> 4\. If you got nothing constructive or nice to say, might as well not waste your time.

Polyamory was something he had heard of but he never thought he'd research about it some day in such depth; his insecure ass found it had more cons than pros. At least after the thorough research, he found that he wasn't one for it. He's too insecure to put soo much trust in a relation where it wasn't just him and his one boyfriend. He just knows that he's going to spend most of his time questioning his worth than loving his partners. _Hell_ , he started questioning himself as soon as Seungmin had asked him what he thought of poly; _was he not enough that Seungmin had found himself being pulled to someone new?_ Thanks to Google, that doubt was put to rest only to find himself wondering if Seungmin just didn't like him but he didn't want to break his heart so he this was solution to those problems. Yeah, sometimes even Felix wonders how he passed with flying colours with such faulty logical ability.

He didn't know how to respond at the time when Seungmin just asked him that question, so very casually that Felix had to do a double take. A few days later Felix said he didn't know much about it with so much conviction that even his Google history, full of articles that spoke of such delicate relationship, was left questioning the reality. Seungmin had given him an easy smile, smooched his cheeks and declared he had just the right solution to that problem. Within twenty-four hours, he had come with an _amazing_ – his words, not Felix's, Felix wouldn't be caught dead calling that idea amazing – suggestion. "How about we try it for a week and see where you stand? If you don't like it, we can stop immediately."

Felix had gently pushed Seungmin's head away from his neck, his mind clouded with arousal. "Try what?"

Seungmin had grinned, all teeth and round eyes. He looked so soft in their room's dim lightening. "Try being in a relation with two other people; me and someone else."

He didn't want to do it. He had done enough looking into Google to just know he was not going to like it no matter what. He was one for monogamous relationships. But he didn't want to come forward as a stubborn ass, shoot the idea down even before he gave it a try. Plus, if him saying okay to this ordeal was going to make his boyfriend happy, what's really bad in subscribing to this poly trial pack, right?

_Yeah, right._

He had agreed relunctanctly, not even nodding properly, just enough for Seungmin to see he was in but wasn't too enthusiastic about the suggestion, was still on the fence about it.

He sighs shaking his head, hardly believing that it's been only two weeks since Seungmin first approached him with this idea. Hitching his bag higher on his shoulder, he presses the buttons of the security system with more than enough force. If he can't take his annoyance out on the two people he really wants to take it out on, might as well take it out on this device. What's it gonna do? _Break up?_ More like break down, but definitely not break up.

"Felix? Is that you?" Seungmin yells when he walks in, slamming the door close unintentionally loud. He slips his shoes off in a grimace.

"Yup!" He laughs at the stupid question. "Who else could it be?" Not like thieves are going to close the door with a very loud thud.

"It could be Jisung," Seungmin answers with a nonchalant shrug, walking towards Felix.

Felix stops mid action at that, the weight of his bag straining his arm from where it was hovering in the air, yet to be put down on the ground.

Right.

This all while he was wondering about this weird.... _uh_....situation (?) that he forgot about the third person, even though that third person is very much the part of this situation.

He dumps the bag carelessly, Seungmin jumping back a little at the touch of aggression to the action. He then huffs. "No, not unless you gave him the password." He pushes past his boyfriend to head towards the kitchen. He needs water. "Which, _by the way_ , Seungmin—"

"Come on, Lix," Seungmin cuts him off, hot on his heels, "he's a part of our relationship. It's a given that we'd share the password." When Felix only scoffs in response, he adds, "Your best friend knows the password to out place, why shouldn't Jisung?"

Perplexed, Felix whirls around at that, forcing Seungmin to stop abruptly to avoid running into his smaller boyfriend. "Because Minho is a permanent part of my life, Seung, while Jisung is part of a relationship that, if I don't like, is going to end. You _promised_ that." He jabs his finger into Seungmin's chest, tears of frustration gathering in his eyes.

Seungmin's expression hardens at the implied future break up, his jaw clenching. He wraps his hand around Felix's finger, pushing it down gently. "Felix," he starts, reaching to hold one his hands instead, "Jisung and you, both mean a lot to me. I like having you both in my life. I won't lose either of you if I can help it."

Here it is. When will Seungmin realise that his explanations, his excuses always revolve around _him_ , around _his_ needs, _his_ wants. When will he open his eyes enough to see Felix did not fit into this happy fantasy of his? How long will Felix have to put up with watching the love of his life build a home in another heart, in another set of arms, in another pair of lips? _Just how long?_

Felix shakes his head, lowering his head in slight disappointment, but mostly due to guilt. He knows that won't ever happen, that at one point Seungmin will have to choose between him and Jisung. He _knows_ it's inevitable, especially since Felix doesn't really feel or see the poly relation appealing; nothing wrong with the nature of the relation, really, this one's all on him becasue that's just how he is. He removes his hand from Seungmin's hold, turning away and trudging to the kitchen. He needs water. And some alone time.

Seungmin follows him. The guilt stirring deep in his gut makes Felix feel uncomfortable, makes more tears spring up. There is no need for him to be guilty for being ill at ease in a relationship that involves more that two people, and the fact that decision is heavily influenced by the deep rooted insecurity makes it look ten folds more scarier.  
Felix isn't obligated to be into something his boyfriend is into, be it the popcorn flavour or be it the kind of relationship. In fact, he thinks, Seungmin should try to refrain from doing something this drastic. And if he can't settled down with just Felix as his boyfriend, they just need to break up. Felix isn't going to force Seungmin to be in a monogamous relationship with him, but neither is he going to force himself to be with two people. The question however that gets generated now is: _how long till Felix gathers enough courage to voice this out?_

"Felix," Seungmin calls, standing at the doorway, watching Felix putter around their kitchen. "You promised you'd try. You really haven't been trying, have you?"

The tone of accusation catches him off guard, slaps him across his face, makes him even more guilty because, _yes_ , he really didn't try to make shit work. But here's the thing, he just _can't_ find it in himself to start liking Jisung the way he likes Seungmin, to see Jisung in the same light as Seungmin, can't picture himself with Jisung _and_ Seungmin. He can't even stop himself from drowning in jealousy whenever he finds Seungmin and Jisung hanging out without him. Not like he enjoys hanging out with both of them either, hates how Seungmin flirts with Jisung like it's okay, hates how _it is_ okay because they're all ‘dating’ – that's how it is supposed to be, isn't it? They're all in this together then why does he feel like he's going to be left behind?

Frustration gets the best of Felix this time. Blinded by the jealousy, an emotion that shouldn't be present in this kind of relationship, he spits out whatever that's been crushing his chest, that's been plugging his mind.

"And you, Kim Seungmin, said we'll try it for _one week_! One fucking week! _Seven days!_ You promised that if I don't like it, we don't have to ever do it again! I _didn't_ like it Seungmin, don't you get it? Don't you see how I can't find myself fitting well with the two of you? I _don't_ like it and yet, _here we're,_ you telling my try to make this relationship thrive!" He heaves, his chest rising and falling harshly, eyes set in a glare. The stinging pain in his palm jolts him back to reality, reminds him where he is and with whom he is. Angry red, crescent shaped marks are wedged into his skin, his slightly grown nails doing enough damage to carry the marks for another week or so. _Great, another reminder of this day._

To his boyfriend's credit, Seungmin handles it calmly. Doesn't get angry at Felix. Just walks tentatively towards where Felix is standing, looking ready to physically strangle Seungmin, angry tears gathering in his eyes, fist clutching and unclutching.

"Baby," he says, reaching out to hold Felix. And Felix makes sure Seungmin know that his presence, let alone his touche, is not what he needs right. Seungmin nods, retreating away from Felix. Felix acts like he doesn't see hurt flash across Seungmin's handsome face. "You really don't know Jisung the way I know him, so I said we should try a week more so that you'd have enough time to get comfortable around Jisung and then view this arrangement in a less defensive point, yeah?"

Felix sighs, all the fight such whooshing out of him in that single breath, leaving behind the heavy, ugly feeling of defeat. "Seungmin, forcing me into this is not going to make me like it. I wish you had told me about it and then given me time to get comfortable with—"

"I'm giving you time now!"

"—the idea of being in a relationship of this kind. Not just drop bombs after bombs."

He picks the cup and pulls a chair out, sliding in. "I didn't have enough time to get used to the idea of it, the idea of my boyfriend being into something like this, before you came and told me we should try it because you've your eyes set on someone who might also like you back."

He sips the water, eyes downcast. The tears finally having had enough of being imprisoned behind Felix's lashes, flow freely. One glides down his cheek, then the second one does, and then next and then next and suddenly it's difficult to stop them from escaping – not that Felix makes any move to stop them. Seungmin sits opposite him, hands planted on the table as close as he could without really touching Felix. "Are we going too fast? Should we slow down, baby?"

Felix shakes his head, messily wiping at his tears. He chuckles, grimly. "It's not about that, you do understand, right?"

Seungmin appears lost. He tilts his head like a pup and Felix's heart shatters. This boy in front of him isn't just his anymore. There's another guy out there that can boast about being Seungmin's too. There's another guy out there who has had a taste of his Seungmin. He hiccups at that thought, eyes closing shut to stop himself crying. He just wants to stop crying and act like an adult, face it like how he is supposed to face it – head on.

"Then what is it, baby? _Tell me please?"_ Seungmin sounds like he is in pain himself, feels the ghost of his touch where he must have tried holding his hand before pulling away. Felix hates this, hates feeling like this. They were going so strong, they were so happy, what went wrong?

Wait— _was Seungmin ever happy?_

"Seungmin, Jisung likes _you_. _You_ caught his eyes, not _me_. He didn't even know you were dating until he asked you out on a date! Do you not get it? This is basically just Jisung and I putting up with each others presence because we both want you in out lives." He has never sounded this desperate, never wanted someone to understand him soo bad.

Seungmin leaps forward then, his hands clutching both of Felix's. "No, _baby, no_. He knew of you. I caught him drooling over you and literally forced the confession that he's into both us out of him! He just didn't know we were dating then, baby. He likes you as much as he likes me!"

There's a smile blooming on his face. The fallen expression blossoming into a very excited one, smiling so wide and eyes shining so bright. This time it's Felix who looks at him, confused and lost and questioning how knowing this information changes anything at all.

Was he actually failing to put his feelings across? Or was Seungmin really that blinded by his false certainty that Felix would come around, that he failed to take in the obvious signs of a failing relationship?

"Does he now?" The sarcastic tone he was reaching for doesn't exactly come out that way. Instead it comes as more vulnerable, exactly the last thing Felix wants to feel.

"Yes!" Seungmin yells, planting delicate kisses over Felix's knuckles. He laughs loudly after, throwing his head back and eyes crinkling due to the sheer relief and happiness. Felix finds himself smiling as well, seeing his boyfriend this happy makes him happy too. His heart continues to ache, undeterred by the widening smile on Felix's face, knowing that Seungmin could never be just his anymore, knowing he had lost the battle even before it started. Oh, how he wishes he could give Seungmin what he craves for. "Is this what has been keeping you from trying? Oh my, silly goose."

He gets up from his chair, pulling Felix up and kissing him deep and hard, biting on his lips and licking into his mouth. Felix feels like he's on cloud nine, breathless, when Seungmin finally decides to pull away. He looks at Felix like he did before, lures Felix into believing that nothing has changed, even though the elephant in the room, that somehow they always fail to talk about, says otherwise.

Felix told him he didn't like this, told him that, didn't he? Then why was Seungmin ignoring it? Why was he not asking Felix about it?

"I love you," he whispers, gently kissing Felix's cheeks, then his nose, his eyelids and then his lips. "I love you," he promises.

Felix has wanted to hear these same exact words, standing in this exact kitchen, in these exact arms. He want to sob because what he had been waiting was happening.

But oddly enough, those words don't pull any strings, don't make those butterflies flutter around and don't pull his lips into an impossibly wide smile.

He hugs Seungmin instead, burying his face in his chest. "I love you," he parrots, wondering where they went wrong.

°•°

  
He finally manges to gulp down the entire glass of water, his throat feeling definitely better now. He sighs in satisfaction.

"So," Seungmin starts, fidgeting, "should I take it that you'd like to keep this arrangement for a little longer?"

Something must have shown on Felix's becasue he hurries to add, "You know I love you, right? I just want to be happy with you and Jisung."

Felix feels his stomach fall, his heart thump painfully and his breath hitches. _No._ His answer had been no from the very beginning. And his answer still is no.

_"Yes."_

He knows he is setting himself for a heartbreak. But he argues that it will be worth seeing Seungmin this happy and carefree. He pushes away the thought that asks him if he ever had been a reason for Seungmin to look like this.

**Author's Note:**

> fun_fact: a big brain insult would be to tell someone they're the square root of -100; perfect 10, but imaginary.
> 
> Just a fair warning, I'm posting this book this soon becasue I wanted to see if it was worth working on. I don't have the next chapter written, and probably won't be until one of my hyunlix book comes to a close.  
> So, please bare with me here. If you did like how the chapter turned out, please let me know. All constructive criticism will be taken into consideration. This book is completely a new experience for me, so the valuable guidance would be cherished.
> 
> ~Jade


End file.
